Disclaimer: I do not know Bill Gates personally nor have I ever interviewed him. I've done very little research on the man and most of what I know is hearsay.
It is my understanding that when Bill Gates dies, most of his money will go to charity. His children will receive a portion, as I'm sure will other significant people in his life, however the majority of his holdings will go to charity. I don't know which charity or charities and do not think that information is pertinent to my discussion, but please, feel free to do your own research on the matter.
So why not kill Bill Gates? The country is in financial crisis, the 1% club continues to get richer while people starve. Bill Gates has a lot of money and that money could be doing a lot of good right now.
Those of you with financial backgrounds may find it an interesting game to create a mathematical formula based on his wealth and his predicted life span that would tell us exactly when his passing would be most lucrative to the charities he promotes, but my argument as to why Bill Gates should live is much more simple.
In his willingness to give, Bill Gates has found presence. This presence exists with us now in this world and is more valuable than his wealth. This presence has the ability to grow, to be shared amongst those both of financial means and those without. Bill Gates, whether he knows it or not, is a teacher. He is a mirror for all those who look upon him.
He is also, to you and I who have never met him, an idea. This idea can reside inside of you and it too can spread.
So, please, for the time being, let Bill Gates live. He is valuable to us.
-Viva!
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Friday, March 15, 2013
Assimilation
Hopefully I don't have too many Trekkers that read my blog and are going to debate my metaphor, but with that possibility in mind, I'm going to boldly - I can't even finish it.
So those of you familiar with Star Trek will know about the Borg. A cyborg race that injects you with nanotechnology and turns you into one of them. It is called assimilating.
Now imagine yourself seeing someone you don't know (or maybe someone you do) and making up a story of what they are doing. I don't mean that you are imagining them doing something. You are really seeing them do something, but you are imagining why they are doing it. You create their back story almost instantly and from there determine why they are making all the decisions they are making. If you are still having trouble with this concept, maybe think of a baby crying on a plane and how the mother decides to deal with that. Where did your mind go? An experience from your past? An imagined experience? How old was the mother? Did you react to her in your imagination? Well all of this is happening in real life to, moment to moment. You create a story.
To you, that story is the truth. You believe your own story, not bothering to question it until something drastic happens and you are forced to re-think it. I'm sure some of you are more open to changing your story then others, but you're still creating a story.
So then what do you do with your story? You share it. I mean it is the truth for you, so why isn't it just the truth? You complain to your friend about the crying baby, maybe even hours after you've gotten off the plane. Maybe you actually talk to the mother. You try to include everyone you can, not just in this story, but all of your stories. The more you include people, the more they are the truth. You are assimilating people. You are putting your nano-probes into people in the hopes they will join you.
When I was 2 and a half years old, my parents flew with me from San Diego to Albany. The story I was given was that I was very sick and all the flight attendants loved me and felt bad for me. I imagine the story of at least some of the people on the plane were something along the lines of "shut that damn baby up, why isn't his mom doing anything?". Do you know what my story was? I didn't have a story. I don't even remember it. Pain; react. Not a story. Just a body doing what it does.
So I ask you, do we want to be a bunch of Borg, endlessly trying to assimilate each others stories or do we want to be more?
So those of you familiar with Star Trek will know about the Borg. A cyborg race that injects you with nanotechnology and turns you into one of them. It is called assimilating.
Now imagine yourself seeing someone you don't know (or maybe someone you do) and making up a story of what they are doing. I don't mean that you are imagining them doing something. You are really seeing them do something, but you are imagining why they are doing it. You create their back story almost instantly and from there determine why they are making all the decisions they are making. If you are still having trouble with this concept, maybe think of a baby crying on a plane and how the mother decides to deal with that. Where did your mind go? An experience from your past? An imagined experience? How old was the mother? Did you react to her in your imagination? Well all of this is happening in real life to, moment to moment. You create a story.
To you, that story is the truth. You believe your own story, not bothering to question it until something drastic happens and you are forced to re-think it. I'm sure some of you are more open to changing your story then others, but you're still creating a story.
So then what do you do with your story? You share it. I mean it is the truth for you, so why isn't it just the truth? You complain to your friend about the crying baby, maybe even hours after you've gotten off the plane. Maybe you actually talk to the mother. You try to include everyone you can, not just in this story, but all of your stories. The more you include people, the more they are the truth. You are assimilating people. You are putting your nano-probes into people in the hopes they will join you.
When I was 2 and a half years old, my parents flew with me from San Diego to Albany. The story I was given was that I was very sick and all the flight attendants loved me and felt bad for me. I imagine the story of at least some of the people on the plane were something along the lines of "shut that damn baby up, why isn't his mom doing anything?". Do you know what my story was? I didn't have a story. I don't even remember it. Pain; react. Not a story. Just a body doing what it does.
So I ask you, do we want to be a bunch of Borg, endlessly trying to assimilate each others stories or do we want to be more?
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Sometimes you just have to poop
Waiting at any sort of social services or post or doctors office can be nerve racking. You mind fills up with all sorts of (usually negative) experiences that happened in the past or you think are going to happen in the future. This anxiety often builds up as you wait.
Part of the anxiety is the situation itself, that is for sure, but another big part of it is the idea that I don't' have the freedom to do what I want. Waiting for my name to be called, I feel like I can't leave the area to run to my car, make a call or go to the bathroom. Of course this is all an illusion. I can do any of those things and more (use your imagination). I can do anything I want to. I am choosing not to do those things, but I project my decision onto whatever higher power appears to be in charge.
Today, the highest power is the government, down from that is the social services office, then maybe some middle management, on down to the security guard and in some ways, the other people in the waiting room. I was waiting to show some documentation to the EDD worker to prove my income or lack thereof.
Sometimes when following the flow of my life, I do a good job preparing and planning for things and then the timing turns out differently then I expected. In this case, I ended up being 5 minutes late for my scheduled appointment. I wasn't worried as there tends to be a wait at these places, even with an appointment. The first floor receptionist also didn't bat an eye at my tardiness. There was a moment of confusion where she asked me if I was there for Calfresh and I said, no for unemployment. She then asked a co-worked if Y36 was on the 2nd floor. I did not hear the co-workers response, but the receptionist nodded and sent me toward the elevator.
Upon arriving at the 2nd floor, I found that there were no hallways, just one open waiting room with no receptionist in it. I spoke with the security guard who said "they", referring to the general receptionist area, were not around, asked if I had signed in downstairs, and I should just wait. I sat down and noticed he large tv monitors that had a list of people to be seen. My name was on the list. In fact it was near the top. It wouldn't be for another 1/2 hour before I realized the names were in alphabetical order.
That first half hour was probably the most anxious for me. All the questions that they might ask me came into my head. My over-tiredness weighed on me and the nervousness about being a little late bounced around in my noggin. Slowly I re-centered myself with the help of some cute kids in the waiting room. They might not have wanted to be there either, but they weren't nervous about where there were nor had any opinion about what was to come.
Another 1/2 passed by. I saw other names added to the "appointment" section of the list, but usually just one or two. Then, after a while, they would disappear. Meanwhile, there were 5 names that were always there. I continued to wait and while I had thought that I had done a good job centering myself, I still felt like something was off. Then it hit me, I had to poop. I mean I had been feeling it brewing for a while, so it wasn't a surprise that I had to, but what I hadn't realized was just how much resisting going to the bathroom was causing me stress.
I contemplated this, as is my tendency and remained unpooping. It had been over an hour since I had arrived in the waiting room, the amount of time I had projected to wait, back when I had projected up to 5 different times that I would be waiting, 4 of which had already passed. Well I couldn't go to the bathroom now, could I? All of that waiting would be in vain. I mean it was almost certain that the moment I went into the bathroom and was out of ear shot that they would call my name.
Ample time went by in which I could have easily gone to the bathroom and come back. I ran through the scenarios and figured out exactly where the bathroom was. Then, with special forces precision, I picked my moment and went to the bathroom.
Walking back to my seat afterward, I felt an immense sense of relief and felt ten times more relaxed. Not because of the physical need of the moment, but because a psychological trap had dissipated.
So for all of you reading, my advice would be, if you have to, go poop.
-Don't forget to flush!
Part of the anxiety is the situation itself, that is for sure, but another big part of it is the idea that I don't' have the freedom to do what I want. Waiting for my name to be called, I feel like I can't leave the area to run to my car, make a call or go to the bathroom. Of course this is all an illusion. I can do any of those things and more (use your imagination). I can do anything I want to. I am choosing not to do those things, but I project my decision onto whatever higher power appears to be in charge.
Today, the highest power is the government, down from that is the social services office, then maybe some middle management, on down to the security guard and in some ways, the other people in the waiting room. I was waiting to show some documentation to the EDD worker to prove my income or lack thereof.
Sometimes when following the flow of my life, I do a good job preparing and planning for things and then the timing turns out differently then I expected. In this case, I ended up being 5 minutes late for my scheduled appointment. I wasn't worried as there tends to be a wait at these places, even with an appointment. The first floor receptionist also didn't bat an eye at my tardiness. There was a moment of confusion where she asked me if I was there for Calfresh and I said, no for unemployment. She then asked a co-worked if Y36 was on the 2nd floor. I did not hear the co-workers response, but the receptionist nodded and sent me toward the elevator.
Upon arriving at the 2nd floor, I found that there were no hallways, just one open waiting room with no receptionist in it. I spoke with the security guard who said "they", referring to the general receptionist area, were not around, asked if I had signed in downstairs, and I should just wait. I sat down and noticed he large tv monitors that had a list of people to be seen. My name was on the list. In fact it was near the top. It wouldn't be for another 1/2 hour before I realized the names were in alphabetical order.
That first half hour was probably the most anxious for me. All the questions that they might ask me came into my head. My over-tiredness weighed on me and the nervousness about being a little late bounced around in my noggin. Slowly I re-centered myself with the help of some cute kids in the waiting room. They might not have wanted to be there either, but they weren't nervous about where there were nor had any opinion about what was to come.
Another 1/2 passed by. I saw other names added to the "appointment" section of the list, but usually just one or two. Then, after a while, they would disappear. Meanwhile, there were 5 names that were always there. I continued to wait and while I had thought that I had done a good job centering myself, I still felt like something was off. Then it hit me, I had to poop. I mean I had been feeling it brewing for a while, so it wasn't a surprise that I had to, but what I hadn't realized was just how much resisting going to the bathroom was causing me stress.
I contemplated this, as is my tendency and remained unpooping. It had been over an hour since I had arrived in the waiting room, the amount of time I had projected to wait, back when I had projected up to 5 different times that I would be waiting, 4 of which had already passed. Well I couldn't go to the bathroom now, could I? All of that waiting would be in vain. I mean it was almost certain that the moment I went into the bathroom and was out of ear shot that they would call my name.
Ample time went by in which I could have easily gone to the bathroom and come back. I ran through the scenarios and figured out exactly where the bathroom was. Then, with special forces precision, I picked my moment and went to the bathroom.
Walking back to my seat afterward, I felt an immense sense of relief and felt ten times more relaxed. Not because of the physical need of the moment, but because a psychological trap had dissipated.
So for all of you reading, my advice would be, if you have to, go poop.
-Don't forget to flush!
Monday, March 11, 2013
Tolle video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fz7L1emXhbk
The above is a link to an Eckhart Tolle video that I stumbled upon last night. It really helped shift my perspective and get me into a better place. I don't know if you will have the same reaction. I think we all grow at our own pace. Maybe you will find something in it that I didn't. Or maybe you will find nothing at all. At the very least, I find it relaxing to listen to Eckhart speak.
One of the things that he spoke of that was helpful in me dis-identifying with my ego was the idea that we are just here to awaken, that it is a universal impulse. We are not here to improve our life situation nor are we hear to improve the world. I often get caught up in this idea of who I am and who I will become and it does nothing but complicate things for me and keep me in thought.
"You can choose to be free of thought when thought is not needed" - Tolle
It is amazing how little thinking is actually required in a day.
He also talks about creating space for people you have relationships with. Being the space they don't have because they are trapped within thought. This is something that could easily be incorporated by the ego, by thinking your job was to help other people, building your ego up with your "successes". However, if you are doing it "right" (in quotes because it is a oxymoronic idea) the space you provide is quite pleasurable and useful in your own spiritual "goals", another word that deserves quotes.
So, I just wanted to share that I feel like I am in a much better place today then I was recently. I feel like I've gotten over a hump. That said, I noticed a slide back today as well. Which still means I'm in a better place, because I noticed it. :)
-Smile!
The above is a link to an Eckhart Tolle video that I stumbled upon last night. It really helped shift my perspective and get me into a better place. I don't know if you will have the same reaction. I think we all grow at our own pace. Maybe you will find something in it that I didn't. Or maybe you will find nothing at all. At the very least, I find it relaxing to listen to Eckhart speak.
One of the things that he spoke of that was helpful in me dis-identifying with my ego was the idea that we are just here to awaken, that it is a universal impulse. We are not here to improve our life situation nor are we hear to improve the world. I often get caught up in this idea of who I am and who I will become and it does nothing but complicate things for me and keep me in thought.
"You can choose to be free of thought when thought is not needed" - Tolle
It is amazing how little thinking is actually required in a day.
He also talks about creating space for people you have relationships with. Being the space they don't have because they are trapped within thought. This is something that could easily be incorporated by the ego, by thinking your job was to help other people, building your ego up with your "successes". However, if you are doing it "right" (in quotes because it is a oxymoronic idea) the space you provide is quite pleasurable and useful in your own spiritual "goals", another word that deserves quotes.
So, I just wanted to share that I feel like I am in a much better place today then I was recently. I feel like I've gotten over a hump. That said, I noticed a slide back today as well. Which still means I'm in a better place, because I noticed it. :)
-Smile!
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Answers: incomplete
So if you were to as me what we as individual humans were made up of and what each part does, I would say (simplified):
1. Form (or body) - The function of which is to sense the world around us.
2. Mind - A bio-mechanical machine designed to interpret our senses.
2a. Ego - A personality within the mind developed through interactions with other forms of life.
3. Soul - The form that Spirit takes within the body, the function of which is to ???
4. Spirit - Universal energy.
I didn't write a function for Spirit there because I don't think it needs one. Acknowledging it exists is enough for this conversation. What I want to talk about here is the function of the individual soul. In essence, why?
One of my theories is that we are recording devices, sent by the great Spirit to learn about itself. This gives us a good explanation of why it doesn't matter what path we choose, since the great Spirit would be gaining knowledge no matter what. It doesn't, however, explain why some things feel better than others (e.g. a hug feels better than stepping on a nail.) Although perhaps some of these things could be explained away by the forms need to survive. Even assuming that I'm write and we are some sort of recording device, it still doesn't answer "why". It also doesn't answer my drive to find meaning or tell me where that drive comes from. Last, but not least, it doesn't tell me who "I" am. Am I body, mind and soul? Or is this personality made up of just mind and body?
Obviously I could go on asking questions and I bet you have a lot of your own, but I think when you boil it down, it comes down to Trust and Truth. Do I have to know the truth or can I trust that everything is as it should be? Clearly I have trust issues.
Viva!
1. Form (or body) - The function of which is to sense the world around us.
2. Mind - A bio-mechanical machine designed to interpret our senses.
2a. Ego - A personality within the mind developed through interactions with other forms of life.
3. Soul - The form that Spirit takes within the body, the function of which is to ???
4. Spirit - Universal energy.
I didn't write a function for Spirit there because I don't think it needs one. Acknowledging it exists is enough for this conversation. What I want to talk about here is the function of the individual soul. In essence, why?
One of my theories is that we are recording devices, sent by the great Spirit to learn about itself. This gives us a good explanation of why it doesn't matter what path we choose, since the great Spirit would be gaining knowledge no matter what. It doesn't, however, explain why some things feel better than others (e.g. a hug feels better than stepping on a nail.) Although perhaps some of these things could be explained away by the forms need to survive. Even assuming that I'm write and we are some sort of recording device, it still doesn't answer "why". It also doesn't answer my drive to find meaning or tell me where that drive comes from. Last, but not least, it doesn't tell me who "I" am. Am I body, mind and soul? Or is this personality made up of just mind and body?
Obviously I could go on asking questions and I bet you have a lot of your own, but I think when you boil it down, it comes down to Trust and Truth. Do I have to know the truth or can I trust that everything is as it should be? Clearly I have trust issues.
Viva!
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Beating myself up
Being an analytical liberal, I am constantly beating myself up. I beat myself up for water use, trash versus recycling, how efficient I am with my time, which is rediculous considering how much free time I have, and yes, I often beat myself up for beating myself up, the ultimate downward spiral.
So what causes this? I think the root cause is just me, my personality, my ego if you will. I slant toward breaking things down and looking at their pieces. Then, once I get there I believe that I could put those pieces back together in a better way then they once were and in that process blame myself for them not being perfect to begin with.
So now what? Change my belief system? Change my ego? Every time I start being negative, should I stop and change it to a positive? Should I believe everything is perfect just the way it is? This seems like a good start, but I believe it will ultimately fail. Simply changing negative to positive doesn't diminish the ego, which is a goal of the spiritualist. Sure I would be a more positive person, which would likely lead to less beating myself up and potentially help me from those downward spirals and thus keep me more present, however the only real way to escape this pattern is to accept what is there before me. I am perfect and beautiful, but I am also flawed. I will not get every answer right. I will not always think positively. I will not do everything I can do to make this world a better place. Is that ok? Yes. Am I perfect? Yes. Am I imperfect? Yes.
It is hard not to go to the mind for help when you are feeling down, but trust me, if you want to feel better, be with that feeling, accept it. The mind wants to store things, to analyse them, to do its job. It will run experiments on you well after the initial feeling as passed and because it is so good at its job, you will keep feeling how you felt. But then the body can't do its job, which is to sense what is going on in the moment and relay the message to the awareness that is you. In my case that the cat on my lap is getting heavy as a balance it precariously. It is also warm and purring and affectionate. See all the things I'm missing out on while my brain is working to write this blog? A little sacrafice isn't bad, the brain is a wonderful tool, but let's use it as such.
To life!
So what causes this? I think the root cause is just me, my personality, my ego if you will. I slant toward breaking things down and looking at their pieces. Then, once I get there I believe that I could put those pieces back together in a better way then they once were and in that process blame myself for them not being perfect to begin with.
So now what? Change my belief system? Change my ego? Every time I start being negative, should I stop and change it to a positive? Should I believe everything is perfect just the way it is? This seems like a good start, but I believe it will ultimately fail. Simply changing negative to positive doesn't diminish the ego, which is a goal of the spiritualist. Sure I would be a more positive person, which would likely lead to less beating myself up and potentially help me from those downward spirals and thus keep me more present, however the only real way to escape this pattern is to accept what is there before me. I am perfect and beautiful, but I am also flawed. I will not get every answer right. I will not always think positively. I will not do everything I can do to make this world a better place. Is that ok? Yes. Am I perfect? Yes. Am I imperfect? Yes.
It is hard not to go to the mind for help when you are feeling down, but trust me, if you want to feel better, be with that feeling, accept it. The mind wants to store things, to analyse them, to do its job. It will run experiments on you well after the initial feeling as passed and because it is so good at its job, you will keep feeling how you felt. But then the body can't do its job, which is to sense what is going on in the moment and relay the message to the awareness that is you. In my case that the cat on my lap is getting heavy as a balance it precariously. It is also warm and purring and affectionate. See all the things I'm missing out on while my brain is working to write this blog? A little sacrafice isn't bad, the brain is a wonderful tool, but let's use it as such.
To life!
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
A case of the suposed-to's and natural rebellion.
There is conflict in my life, but most of it is internal.
I have plenty of free time to do with as I please, but what do I please? Do I please to study spirituality, to meditate, to play video games, to take a walk, to go shopping, to play with the cat or to do nothing at all? When do I please to do these things and for how long? These decisions are at the crux of my development.
Sometimes I think I should just go with the flow, to drift through life, endeavoring to stay in the now. On its own, this doesn't seem like such a bad idea, but every time I try, I get bored enough to make a decision that leads to under the line (of consciousness) behavior. E.G. Video games and movies.
So then back to decision making. How does the conscious mind versus the unconscious make decisions and what does this mean for me?
My experience is that I stay conscious until I am triggered by something in my present that invokes a memory or a fantasy. I've improved in that as I come out of the unconscious state back into consciousness, I am able to put a positive slant on whatever my mind has thought up in that moments. I find this to be valuable when dealing with the past, the idea being that I'm recreating old negative memories and changing them positively, thus improving the whole and bringing me closer to a positive whole.
Hmm...
...my self confidence seems to be failing me today. I don't feel focused or like I have much to say. This has been the case for the past couple of days. Ever since this blog became "real" for me. When it existed within more of a fantasy mode, my ego was appeased to think it was getting something out of the deal and my spirit was happily coming through. More recently I feel like the spirit is muddled and the ego is unsure of itself.
Which brings us back to, should I be meditating more, should I be xyz-ing more, is it all perfect no matter what or is there imperfection within the perfection?
I have plenty of free time to do with as I please, but what do I please? Do I please to study spirituality, to meditate, to play video games, to take a walk, to go shopping, to play with the cat or to do nothing at all? When do I please to do these things and for how long? These decisions are at the crux of my development.
Sometimes I think I should just go with the flow, to drift through life, endeavoring to stay in the now. On its own, this doesn't seem like such a bad idea, but every time I try, I get bored enough to make a decision that leads to under the line (of consciousness) behavior. E.G. Video games and movies.
So then back to decision making. How does the conscious mind versus the unconscious make decisions and what does this mean for me?
My experience is that I stay conscious until I am triggered by something in my present that invokes a memory or a fantasy. I've improved in that as I come out of the unconscious state back into consciousness, I am able to put a positive slant on whatever my mind has thought up in that moments. I find this to be valuable when dealing with the past, the idea being that I'm recreating old negative memories and changing them positively, thus improving the whole and bringing me closer to a positive whole.
Hmm...
...my self confidence seems to be failing me today. I don't feel focused or like I have much to say. This has been the case for the past couple of days. Ever since this blog became "real" for me. When it existed within more of a fantasy mode, my ego was appeased to think it was getting something out of the deal and my spirit was happily coming through. More recently I feel like the spirit is muddled and the ego is unsure of itself.
Which brings us back to, should I be meditating more, should I be xyz-ing more, is it all perfect no matter what or is there imperfection within the perfection?
Monday, March 4, 2013
Self-Love (No this post is not about masturbation)
So as many of us following a spiritual path are doing, I am attempting to diminish my ego. There are a variety of ways to go about this, such as meditation and being present, etc.. I'm sure different things work well for different people and I'm not here to rank them. I am here, however, to talk to about something that concerns me and maybe you. How do you continue to love your ego or maybe even love it more when you are busy working to get rid of it? I know the first thing you are going to say, it isn't "work", you should let it drift away, or something like that.. Ok, fine, that works for the times when I'm able to present, but what about the rest of the time? Do I give the ego the stick or the carrot? Do I tell it how awesome it is or call it a dumb shit when it tries to get me down? What about when it is happy? Do I tell it, watch out, don't be happy, you might grow?
Don't get me wrong, I'm still loving my ego while this is all happening. Growing up, I loved my dog whether it peed on the floor or not. But what do you do when that happens? Scold the dog? Reward the dog? Or accept that pee happens and move on. I would think it is probably the last one, but then who cleans up the pee? Because I used to walk around in socks and stepping in a pee puddle was not conducive to my happiness, no matter what lesson it was supposed to teach me. Be ever present Chris or you may step in pee, says the wise old man.
So I think there is actually a broader question here. How do we love universally when we aren't always present?
Love ya!
P.S. I would love to hear your comments on this subject and my other postings. I am hoping we can get some good discussions going. Thanks!
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Fun
After a complex series of calculations and charts and diagrams (ok, it was just a blank sheet of paper and some markers) I came to a question. Why would God play. That is a big 'G; god there, but I mean the all connecting god as well. At first I thought about all the reasons children play, so they can learn, so they can get stronger and more agile, basically so they can develop as human beings. Then I thought to myself, that's why parents encourage kids to play. Kids play because it is fun. They aren't thinking about their bodies growing or how they are learning or getting better at things. They are (hopefully) having a great time and lots of fun. Of course sometimes even kids have disagreements and "mine" transforms into someone being knocked down, but when you think about it, that's really the ego developing.
God doesn't have parents and, I hope, doesn't have an ego. So, why would God play?
I know my answer and I will leave it up to you to find your own, but consider this; when looking at the highly spiritual, those that have been transformed by it, do they look happy? Do they smile? Do they laugh? And despite all the crap going on in the world, in the face of poverty and illness, do they still kind of look like they are having fun?
I got so caught up in telling you how much bliss I felt during my peak experience, pleasure being the measuring point of the form, that I forgot to mention that it was actually a lot of fun. I guess that kind of seems implied, but maybe it shouldn't be. Maybe fun is something we should all explore a little bit more. Maybe fun-linesss is close to Godliness.
Enjoy!!
God doesn't have parents and, I hope, doesn't have an ego. So, why would God play?
I know my answer and I will leave it up to you to find your own, but consider this; when looking at the highly spiritual, those that have been transformed by it, do they look happy? Do they smile? Do they laugh? And despite all the crap going on in the world, in the face of poverty and illness, do they still kind of look like they are having fun?
I got so caught up in telling you how much bliss I felt during my peak experience, pleasure being the measuring point of the form, that I forgot to mention that it was actually a lot of fun. I guess that kind of seems implied, but maybe it shouldn't be. Maybe fun is something we should all explore a little bit more. Maybe fun-linesss is close to Godliness.
Enjoy!!
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Peak Experience
So about 2 weeks ago, the day I hurt my knee, I had a peak experience.
I'd been out dancing the night before, then home with friends, then
an afterparty and then an after-after party. I'd done a variety of
drugs in that time, but had come down off of most of them. I found
myself in the guest bedroom with a bunch of people hanging out and
talking. Eventually everyone cleared out except for these 3 men. The
men were having a discussion about foreign policy and specifically
Israel. I sat on the edge of the bed, put my hands against my thighs
and began reiki on myself. I sat there very still, occasionally
moving my head to change who I was looking at and smiling so that the
men wouldn't think their conversation was upsetting me. As the
conversation got more intense, I became more at peace. I didn't
listen to what they were actually saying, instead I just allowed
everything to be taken in. I more they talked, the more blissful and
still I became. One of the men asked me what I thought the nature of
consumerism (or perhaps it business?) was and I replied, "fear". My
reply came not from me, but through me. Later they would talk about
Japan and I would see how the fear following World War II led to a
culture of business there.
I was a walkie talkie to the Divine. My purpose in that room was to
simply be there so that the divine could listen in on the
conversation. It was simple and blissful. Eventually the men left
the room. I remained very still, not wishing to break out of the
trance I was in. I made no decisions and waited for my body to slowly
recline backwards onto the bed. My eyes open, I looked at the white
ceiling as it faded in and out of focus. I was overcome with bliss.
Every molecule in my body was expanded and full of energy. I had a
huge smile on my face. There wasn't really anything to see, whether
my eyes were open or closed. Usually it was sort of a whlte out, but
sometimes the light would dim and broad patterns would form.
Every once in a while some air bubbles would form on my lips and be
slowly released. I was detached from the act of breathing. I knew I
could stay in this place of bliss, but that it would mean giving up my
form, my body. People came into the room and talked about how big the
smile was on my face. I smiled a little bigger. I knew they would
not disturb me and they did not. I was still aware of the music
playing and voices and everything else, but it was all in the
background. I continued to enjoy the blissful state, but knew I would
have to make the decision to come back if that was what I wanted. I
chose that, but then stayed a bit longer anyway. I floated back down.
Just as I arrived back, my friend came to say we were getting ready
to leave, as I knew he would.
I remained blissed out, a smile on my face for the rest of the
evening. One of the men from the conversation approached me talking
about how crazy it was and I replied that it had been beautiful with
all the energy in the air. I loved everyone, but nothing mattered at
all; everything was wonderful. My friends and I packed up our things
and went home. Two of them took off and one stayed behind for a nap.
As we lay there, her sleeping, me wide awake, I planned all the things
I would do with this new found enlightenment. Although I thought it
happened latter, it must have been at this point that the
enlightenment actually started to diminish, my ego trying to use what
it considered something of power. I shot bolts of positive energy
around the world as we laid there glowing.
Eventually I slept and as I had feared, but accepted, before that
happened, I woke up no longer in the same state of bliss. I have
definitely shifted more toward the positive since then, but I'm no
where close to that state in my normal life. One thing I did learn
from that experience though is that god can be found through the
breath and if I truthfully look for it that state is there for me, if
only for a moment.
I'd been out dancing the night before, then home with friends, then
an afterparty and then an after-after party. I'd done a variety of
drugs in that time, but had come down off of most of them. I found
myself in the guest bedroom with a bunch of people hanging out and
talking. Eventually everyone cleared out except for these 3 men. The
men were having a discussion about foreign policy and specifically
Israel. I sat on the edge of the bed, put my hands against my thighs
and began reiki on myself. I sat there very still, occasionally
moving my head to change who I was looking at and smiling so that the
men wouldn't think their conversation was upsetting me. As the
conversation got more intense, I became more at peace. I didn't
listen to what they were actually saying, instead I just allowed
everything to be taken in. I more they talked, the more blissful and
still I became. One of the men asked me what I thought the nature of
consumerism (or perhaps it business?) was and I replied, "fear". My
reply came not from me, but through me. Later they would talk about
Japan and I would see how the fear following World War II led to a
culture of business there.
I was a walkie talkie to the Divine. My purpose in that room was to
simply be there so that the divine could listen in on the
conversation. It was simple and blissful. Eventually the men left
the room. I remained very still, not wishing to break out of the
trance I was in. I made no decisions and waited for my body to slowly
recline backwards onto the bed. My eyes open, I looked at the white
ceiling as it faded in and out of focus. I was overcome with bliss.
Every molecule in my body was expanded and full of energy. I had a
huge smile on my face. There wasn't really anything to see, whether
my eyes were open or closed. Usually it was sort of a whlte out, but
sometimes the light would dim and broad patterns would form.
Every once in a while some air bubbles would form on my lips and be
slowly released. I was detached from the act of breathing. I knew I
could stay in this place of bliss, but that it would mean giving up my
form, my body. People came into the room and talked about how big the
smile was on my face. I smiled a little bigger. I knew they would
not disturb me and they did not. I was still aware of the music
playing and voices and everything else, but it was all in the
background. I continued to enjoy the blissful state, but knew I would
have to make the decision to come back if that was what I wanted. I
chose that, but then stayed a bit longer anyway. I floated back down.
Just as I arrived back, my friend came to say we were getting ready
to leave, as I knew he would.
I remained blissed out, a smile on my face for the rest of the
evening. One of the men from the conversation approached me talking
about how crazy it was and I replied that it had been beautiful with
all the energy in the air. I loved everyone, but nothing mattered at
all; everything was wonderful. My friends and I packed up our things
and went home. Two of them took off and one stayed behind for a nap.
As we lay there, her sleeping, me wide awake, I planned all the things
I would do with this new found enlightenment. Although I thought it
happened latter, it must have been at this point that the
enlightenment actually started to diminish, my ego trying to use what
it considered something of power. I shot bolts of positive energy
around the world as we laid there glowing.
Eventually I slept and as I had feared, but accepted, before that
happened, I woke up no longer in the same state of bliss. I have
definitely shifted more toward the positive since then, but I'm no
where close to that state in my normal life. One thing I did learn
from that experience though is that god can be found through the
breath and if I truthfully look for it that state is there for me, if
only for a moment.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Orgasms and Godhead
Admittedly, the large majority of my attempts to connect with a higher spiritual plane happen are solo in nature, not because I never get laid, but because sex is just too damn distracting. So for the purposes of this article, I will be talking about connecting with myself and will leave interpersonal relations for another day.
So, can we connect to God or god or Godhead through orgasm? Certainly the sensations of a peak experience are similar to orgasm. There is a deep relaxation, a sort of excitement on a cellular and sub cellular level, and a feeling of being beyond your body. There are differences as well. An orgasm has more of a rush too it, peaking quickly and then subsiding quickly. Peak experiences tend to drift into being and then drift out again over several hours or sometimes even days.
For me, the sensation itself is different. I can't describe either with any kind of accuracy and with no way of experiencing your orgasm, I don't think it matters beyond the fact that you either agree or disagree with me. By the way, feel free to experiment with both of these things and get back to me. My own experiments are limited to trying to connect with god during orgasm. I've never tried to have an orgasm during a peak experience. In all honesty at that point my sex organ has no more meaning than any of the rest of my body. However, if I'm ever able to create peak experiences with any kind of regularity, I will try it out.
My trials are not in any way clinical and quite spread out. However, I can say that a few things do happen when I try. First, the feeling of being beyond my body increases greatly. I feel connected to energy up to 30 feet away. The lose of self is also increased, as is the feeling of floating. That feeling of floating is probably one of the strongest connectors for me to what I feel during a peak experience. I've also had flashes of insight, similar to what one might have during meditation.
So I think we can safely say that there is a connection, but what is the connection? Am I really connecting with the world of spirit or is orgasm just the peak experience of the form? Also, what would a mind peak experience be like? Certainly the mind is an important part of orgasm.
I seem to be leaving here with more questions than answers today. Partially because the model of form, mind and spirit is not completely. Strangely enough I think it might be the answer to the question, what is a mind-gasm, that gets us closer to the truth. In the meantime, I'm going to keep experimenting...
Love yourself!
So, can we connect to God or god or Godhead through orgasm? Certainly the sensations of a peak experience are similar to orgasm. There is a deep relaxation, a sort of excitement on a cellular and sub cellular level, and a feeling of being beyond your body. There are differences as well. An orgasm has more of a rush too it, peaking quickly and then subsiding quickly. Peak experiences tend to drift into being and then drift out again over several hours or sometimes even days.
For me, the sensation itself is different. I can't describe either with any kind of accuracy and with no way of experiencing your orgasm, I don't think it matters beyond the fact that you either agree or disagree with me. By the way, feel free to experiment with both of these things and get back to me. My own experiments are limited to trying to connect with god during orgasm. I've never tried to have an orgasm during a peak experience. In all honesty at that point my sex organ has no more meaning than any of the rest of my body. However, if I'm ever able to create peak experiences with any kind of regularity, I will try it out.
My trials are not in any way clinical and quite spread out. However, I can say that a few things do happen when I try. First, the feeling of being beyond my body increases greatly. I feel connected to energy up to 30 feet away. The lose of self is also increased, as is the feeling of floating. That feeling of floating is probably one of the strongest connectors for me to what I feel during a peak experience. I've also had flashes of insight, similar to what one might have during meditation.
So I think we can safely say that there is a connection, but what is the connection? Am I really connecting with the world of spirit or is orgasm just the peak experience of the form? Also, what would a mind peak experience be like? Certainly the mind is an important part of orgasm.
I seem to be leaving here with more questions than answers today. Partially because the model of form, mind and spirit is not completely. Strangely enough I think it might be the answer to the question, what is a mind-gasm, that gets us closer to the truth. In the meantime, I'm going to keep experimenting...
Love yourself!
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