Son, we need to have a talk. Soon you will be going through some changes.

I wanted to take this opportunity to talk about some of the physical sensations that go along with spiritual growth.  The good news is that they almost all feel wonderful, albeit some can be overwhelming.  We all grow at different rates and while physical sensations seem to be par for the course, you should not use them as bench marks for your own growth.   Also, please note that this is how I feel them, experiences may vary.

The main feeling that I associate with growth in spirituality is something I would describe as a relaxed wave of energy flowing through my body.  I can feel it more easily in some areas than in others.  For me, my feet find it right away while my head takes more time.  This wave of energy relaxes whatever body party you bring your attention to almost like a cloud expanding outward.

Closely associated with the relaxed wave is what you might call a zap of energy.  The zap has the same pleasant qualities as the relaxed wave, but it travels much more quickly through the body and can be a little startling as it is usually experienced as a bit more intense.  I often have this feeling when an epiphany strikes or when I invoke a burst of energy.

The skin and the energy field immediately surrounding it is a wonderful place to play with new sensations.  As your presence grows and you stay focused on the now, your ability to feel the texture of things will be greatly increased.  There is a painting outside of my room that has black spikes (in my mind mountains) protruding from it.  As a quick grounding point for myself, I will often lightly touch the painting to help myself remain present.  Showers become truly marvelous events as every drop stimulates you and a small change in temperature brings with it a complete shift in experience.  This is why a simple act like washing dishes can be so enjoyable.

The surface of the skin and just beyond is also a wonderful place to feel the different energies the world has to offer.  Being a reiki practitioner I work with this often, but you will be more attuned to this energy regardless.  A good way to feel it out is to simply run your hand a few inches away from an object or a living thing.  (note: make sure the living thing is a willing participant!)  I experience most energy fields coming from something else as a sort of bubble.  The bubble can be very close to the object or spread out quite wide, depending on the object. 

When sharing energy with people and things (or sometimes just with yourself) all sorts of sensations can happen that you feel on your skin.  When I practice reiki I usually feel the relaxed wave energy, but when I switch to reconnection, which is a different healing modality, my skin feels prickly.  These are just two of the many sensations that you might feel, including hot or cold sensations in your skin or entire body.

So as you can see, all sorts of fun things may come up for you as you grow.  The most important thing to do is just go with them.  Resisting may build up tension and cause you suffering and nobody wants that!  The second most important thing you can do is go out and play.  Not only will you be exploring all the wonderful things the universe has to offer, but you will also be taking an opportunity to be present in the moment.

Enjoy!!!

Love,
Chris

Why I am less afraid of enlightenment than I once was.

Fear is often something that hinders spiritual growth.  Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of letting go, all important humps to grow past.  I myself chose the green monster (Baseball reference) of fears, I chose to be afraid of enlightenment itself.

I've been afraid becoming enlightened and then losing myself.  I wasn't afraid just of losing the ego creation, but also of something deeper, the whole of what I have become.   That is because enlightenment has been described as a transformation to me.  This now seems false.  If you look at the integral studies model, or just look around you, you will see that we are all "Whole-ons", an entity that is made up of smaller entities that are made of even smaller entities, My body to my intestines, to molecules to atoms, etc..  This also works in the opposite order, atoms, to molecules, to my intestines, to my body, which is the order I want to look at now, the order of growth.

When you are a newborn, you can't discern your thoughts.  As you get older, perhaps around 3 or 4 (sorry, I'm not a scientist, but feel free to do the research) you start to recognize your thoughts, something is talking in your head.  Then as you continue to get older you are able to define your thoughts as such and recognize when you are thinking, as opposed to say day dreaming.  In fact you get so immersed in this thought world that you think all reality is made up of it.  This continues to unfold until one day you realize that there is something beyond thought; awareness.  This is a wonderful day and often relieves a lot of suffering that has been building up in your thinking mind, but it is not enlightenment.  Enlightenment comes through more unfolding now at this level.  It is true for some that the unfolding was instantaneous, Buddha being an example here, but for the rest of there is a time of transition. 

So with these things in mind, I feel as if the unfolding is actually more of an infolding and therefore, no matter baby or enlightened being, there is still an undeniable me, which exists and will continue to exist.

Funeral reception

Today my Ego became aware of its own mortality.  True, if you are reading this, you probably believe that the soul (or whatever you want to call it) lives on past death and I'm inclined to believe.  However, all indications suggest that the Ego will be no more.  This made us sad.  Even though my ego isn't dying this exact moment, I felt like maybe I should take a moment to acknowledge its hard work though the years, especially the unaware years and give it a sort of Funeral reception.

The first thing I did is write my ego a poem.  It was a little Dr Seuss-ey, but I felt like it had a touching ending.  Being of the, let's celebrate instead of sad funeral face, opinion, we went to get some Little Debbie Swiss Cake rolls, a favorite of our late teens and early 20s.  Unfortunately CVS didn't have them so I ended up with Reecies Pieces and a bottle of orange Crush.  Then I came home and played video games.  Later I went to the grocery store and got the Cake rolls along with a Sparkling Grape Apple cider, some Maple Brown Sugar cream of wheat and one of those Pie/pastry things filled with pudding, all part of youthful memories.  Then I came back home and put on the 80s station on Pandora and rocked out.  It started with Madonna and by the time I got to Bon Jovi's Living on a Prayer, I was done.

All in all a good party. 

My ego claims that the party isn't technically over until I finish off all the food.  I claim that I had IBS once and now I see why, the way I used to eat. 

A simple trick to hapiness

Let your reaction to everything be a positive one.


You taste a strawberry - positive reaction.
Someone yells at you - positive reaction
You step in dog poop - positive reaction.


If you train yourself to react positively to everything that happens to you, you will be happy.

Why we shouldn't kill Bill Gates

Disclaimer: I do not know Bill Gates personally nor have I ever interviewed him.  I've done very little research on the man and most of what I know is hearsay.  



It is my understanding that when Bill Gates dies, most of his money will go to charity.  His children will receive a portion, as I'm sure will other significant people in his life, however the majority of his holdings will go to charity.  I don't know which charity or charities and do not think that information is pertinent to my discussion, but please, feel free to do your own research on the matter.

So why not kill Bill Gates?  The country is in financial crisis, the 1% club continues to get richer while people starve.  Bill Gates has a lot of money and that money could be doing a lot of good right now.

Those of you with financial backgrounds may find it an interesting game to create a mathematical formula based on his wealth and his predicted life span that would tell us exactly when his passing would be most lucrative to the charities he promotes, but my argument as to why Bill Gates should live is much more simple.

In his willingness to give, Bill Gates has found presence.  This presence exists with us now in this world and is more valuable than his wealth.  This presence has the ability to grow, to be shared amongst those both of financial means and those without.  Bill Gates, whether he knows it or not, is a teacher.  He is a mirror for all those who look upon him.

He is also, to you and I who have never met him, an idea.  This idea can reside inside of you and it too can spread.  

So, please, for the time being, let Bill Gates live.  He is valuable to us.

-Viva!

Assimilation

Hopefully I don't have too many Trekkers that read my blog and are going to debate my metaphor, but with that possibility in mind, I'm going to boldly - I can't even finish it.

So those of you familiar with Star Trek will know about the Borg.  A cyborg race that injects you with nanotechnology and turns you into one of them.  It is called assimilating.

Now imagine yourself seeing someone you don't know (or maybe someone you do) and making up a story of what they are doing.  I don't mean that you are imagining them doing something.  You are really seeing them do something, but you are imagining why they are doing it.  You create their back story almost instantly and from there determine why they are making all the decisions they are making.  If you are still having trouble with this concept, maybe think of a baby crying on a plane and how the mother decides to deal with that.  Where did your mind go?  An experience from your past?  An imagined experience?  How old was the mother?  Did you react to her in your imagination?  Well all of this is happening in real life to, moment to moment.  You create a story. 

To you, that story is the truth.  You believe your own story, not bothering to question it until something drastic happens and you are forced to re-think it.  I'm sure some of you are more open to changing your story then others, but you're still creating a story.

So then what do you do with your story?  You share it.  I mean it is the truth for you, so why isn't it just the truth?  You complain to your friend about the crying baby, maybe even hours after you've gotten off the plane.  Maybe you actually talk to the mother.  You try to include everyone you can, not just in this story, but all of your stories.  The more you include people, the more they are the truth.  You are assimilating people.  You are putting your nano-probes into people in the hopes they will join you.


When I was 2 and a half years old, my parents flew with me from San Diego to Albany.  The story I was given was that I was very sick and all the flight attendants loved me and felt bad for me.  I imagine the story of at least some of the people on the plane were something along the lines of "shut that damn baby up, why isn't his mom doing anything?".  Do you know what my story was?  I didn't have a story.  I don't even remember it.  Pain; react.  Not a story.  Just a body doing what it does.


So I ask you, do we want to be a bunch of Borg, endlessly trying to assimilate each others stories or do we want to be more?   

Sometimes you just have to poop

Waiting at any sort of social services or post or doctors office can be nerve racking.  You mind fills up with all sorts of (usually negative) experiences that happened in the past or you think are going to happen in the future.  This anxiety often builds up as you wait. 

Part of the anxiety is the situation itself, that is for sure, but another big part of it is the idea that I don't' have the freedom to do what I want.  Waiting for my name to be called, I feel like I can't leave the area to run to my car, make a call or go to the bathroom.  Of course this is all an illusion.  I can do any of those things and more (use your imagination).  I can do anything I want to.  I am choosing not to do those things, but I project my decision onto whatever higher power appears to be in charge.

Today, the highest power is the government, down from that is the social services office, then maybe some middle management, on down to the security guard and in some ways, the other people in the waiting room.  I was waiting to show some documentation to the EDD worker to prove my income or lack thereof.  

Sometimes when following the flow of my life, I do a good job preparing and planning for things and then the timing turns out differently then I expected.  In this case, I ended up being 5 minutes late for my scheduled appointment.  I wasn't worried as there tends to be a wait at these places, even with an appointment.  The first floor receptionist also didn't bat an eye at my tardiness.  There was a moment of  confusion where she asked me if I was there for Calfresh and I said, no for unemployment.  She then asked a co-worked if Y36 was on the 2nd floor.  I did not hear the co-workers response, but the receptionist nodded and sent me toward the elevator. 

Upon arriving at the 2nd floor, I found that there were no hallways, just one open waiting room with no receptionist in it.  I spoke with the security guard who said "they", referring to the general receptionist area, were not around, asked if I had signed in downstairs, and I should just wait.  I sat down and noticed he large tv monitors that had a list of people to be seen.  My name was on the list.  In fact it was near the top.  It wouldn't be for another 1/2 hour before I realized the names were in alphabetical order.

That first half hour was probably the most anxious for me.  All the questions that they might ask me came into my head.  My over-tiredness weighed on me and the nervousness about being a little late bounced around in my noggin.  Slowly I re-centered myself with the help of some cute kids in the waiting room.  They might not have wanted to be there either, but they weren't nervous about where there were nor had any opinion about what was to come.  

Another 1/2 passed by.  I saw other names added to the "appointment" section of the list, but usually just one or two.  Then, after a while, they would disappear.  Meanwhile, there were 5 names that were always there.  I continued to wait and while I had thought that I had done a good job centering myself, I still felt like something was off.  Then it hit me, I had to poop.  I mean I had been feeling it brewing for a while, so it wasn't a surprise that I had to, but what I hadn't realized was just how much resisting going to the bathroom was causing me stress. 

I contemplated this, as is my tendency and remained unpooping.  It had been over an hour since I had arrived in the waiting room, the amount of time I had projected to wait, back when I had projected up to 5 different times that I would be waiting, 4 of which had already passed.  Well I couldn't go to the bathroom now, could I?  All of that waiting would be in vain.  I mean it was almost certain that the moment I went into the bathroom and was out of ear shot that they would call my name. 

Ample time went by in which I could have easily gone to the bathroom and come back.  I ran through the scenarios and figured out exactly where the bathroom was.  Then, with special forces precision, I picked my moment and went to the bathroom.

Walking back to my seat afterward, I felt an immense sense of relief and felt ten times more relaxed.  Not because of the physical need of the moment, but because a psychological trap had dissipated. 

So for all of you reading, my advice would be, if you have to, go poop.


-Don't forget to flush!