Son, we need to have a talk. Soon you will be going through some changes.

I wanted to take this opportunity to talk about some of the physical sensations that go along with spiritual growth.  The good news is that they almost all feel wonderful, albeit some can be overwhelming.  We all grow at different rates and while physical sensations seem to be par for the course, you should not use them as bench marks for your own growth.   Also, please note that this is how I feel them, experiences may vary.

The main feeling that I associate with growth in spirituality is something I would describe as a relaxed wave of energy flowing through my body.  I can feel it more easily in some areas than in others.  For me, my feet find it right away while my head takes more time.  This wave of energy relaxes whatever body party you bring your attention to almost like a cloud expanding outward.

Closely associated with the relaxed wave is what you might call a zap of energy.  The zap has the same pleasant qualities as the relaxed wave, but it travels much more quickly through the body and can be a little startling as it is usually experienced as a bit more intense.  I often have this feeling when an epiphany strikes or when I invoke a burst of energy.

The skin and the energy field immediately surrounding it is a wonderful place to play with new sensations.  As your presence grows and you stay focused on the now, your ability to feel the texture of things will be greatly increased.  There is a painting outside of my room that has black spikes (in my mind mountains) protruding from it.  As a quick grounding point for myself, I will often lightly touch the painting to help myself remain present.  Showers become truly marvelous events as every drop stimulates you and a small change in temperature brings with it a complete shift in experience.  This is why a simple act like washing dishes can be so enjoyable.

The surface of the skin and just beyond is also a wonderful place to feel the different energies the world has to offer.  Being a reiki practitioner I work with this often, but you will be more attuned to this energy regardless.  A good way to feel it out is to simply run your hand a few inches away from an object or a living thing.  (note: make sure the living thing is a willing participant!)  I experience most energy fields coming from something else as a sort of bubble.  The bubble can be very close to the object or spread out quite wide, depending on the object. 

When sharing energy with people and things (or sometimes just with yourself) all sorts of sensations can happen that you feel on your skin.  When I practice reiki I usually feel the relaxed wave energy, but when I switch to reconnection, which is a different healing modality, my skin feels prickly.  These are just two of the many sensations that you might feel, including hot or cold sensations in your skin or entire body.

So as you can see, all sorts of fun things may come up for you as you grow.  The most important thing to do is just go with them.  Resisting may build up tension and cause you suffering and nobody wants that!  The second most important thing you can do is go out and play.  Not only will you be exploring all the wonderful things the universe has to offer, but you will also be taking an opportunity to be present in the moment.

Enjoy!!!

Love,
Chris

Why I am less afraid of enlightenment than I once was.

Fear is often something that hinders spiritual growth.  Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of letting go, all important humps to grow past.  I myself chose the green monster (Baseball reference) of fears, I chose to be afraid of enlightenment itself.

I've been afraid becoming enlightened and then losing myself.  I wasn't afraid just of losing the ego creation, but also of something deeper, the whole of what I have become.   That is because enlightenment has been described as a transformation to me.  This now seems false.  If you look at the integral studies model, or just look around you, you will see that we are all "Whole-ons", an entity that is made up of smaller entities that are made of even smaller entities, My body to my intestines, to molecules to atoms, etc..  This also works in the opposite order, atoms, to molecules, to my intestines, to my body, which is the order I want to look at now, the order of growth.

When you are a newborn, you can't discern your thoughts.  As you get older, perhaps around 3 or 4 (sorry, I'm not a scientist, but feel free to do the research) you start to recognize your thoughts, something is talking in your head.  Then as you continue to get older you are able to define your thoughts as such and recognize when you are thinking, as opposed to say day dreaming.  In fact you get so immersed in this thought world that you think all reality is made up of it.  This continues to unfold until one day you realize that there is something beyond thought; awareness.  This is a wonderful day and often relieves a lot of suffering that has been building up in your thinking mind, but it is not enlightenment.  Enlightenment comes through more unfolding now at this level.  It is true for some that the unfolding was instantaneous, Buddha being an example here, but for the rest of there is a time of transition. 

So with these things in mind, I feel as if the unfolding is actually more of an infolding and therefore, no matter baby or enlightened being, there is still an undeniable me, which exists and will continue to exist.

Funeral reception

Today my Ego became aware of its own mortality.  True, if you are reading this, you probably believe that the soul (or whatever you want to call it) lives on past death and I'm inclined to believe.  However, all indications suggest that the Ego will be no more.  This made us sad.  Even though my ego isn't dying this exact moment, I felt like maybe I should take a moment to acknowledge its hard work though the years, especially the unaware years and give it a sort of Funeral reception.

The first thing I did is write my ego a poem.  It was a little Dr Seuss-ey, but I felt like it had a touching ending.  Being of the, let's celebrate instead of sad funeral face, opinion, we went to get some Little Debbie Swiss Cake rolls, a favorite of our late teens and early 20s.  Unfortunately CVS didn't have them so I ended up with Reecies Pieces and a bottle of orange Crush.  Then I came home and played video games.  Later I went to the grocery store and got the Cake rolls along with a Sparkling Grape Apple cider, some Maple Brown Sugar cream of wheat and one of those Pie/pastry things filled with pudding, all part of youthful memories.  Then I came back home and put on the 80s station on Pandora and rocked out.  It started with Madonna and by the time I got to Bon Jovi's Living on a Prayer, I was done.

All in all a good party. 

My ego claims that the party isn't technically over until I finish off all the food.  I claim that I had IBS once and now I see why, the way I used to eat. 

A simple trick to hapiness

Let your reaction to everything be a positive one.


You taste a strawberry - positive reaction.
Someone yells at you - positive reaction
You step in dog poop - positive reaction.


If you train yourself to react positively to everything that happens to you, you will be happy.

Why we shouldn't kill Bill Gates

Disclaimer: I do not know Bill Gates personally nor have I ever interviewed him.  I've done very little research on the man and most of what I know is hearsay.  



It is my understanding that when Bill Gates dies, most of his money will go to charity.  His children will receive a portion, as I'm sure will other significant people in his life, however the majority of his holdings will go to charity.  I don't know which charity or charities and do not think that information is pertinent to my discussion, but please, feel free to do your own research on the matter.

So why not kill Bill Gates?  The country is in financial crisis, the 1% club continues to get richer while people starve.  Bill Gates has a lot of money and that money could be doing a lot of good right now.

Those of you with financial backgrounds may find it an interesting game to create a mathematical formula based on his wealth and his predicted life span that would tell us exactly when his passing would be most lucrative to the charities he promotes, but my argument as to why Bill Gates should live is much more simple.

In his willingness to give, Bill Gates has found presence.  This presence exists with us now in this world and is more valuable than his wealth.  This presence has the ability to grow, to be shared amongst those both of financial means and those without.  Bill Gates, whether he knows it or not, is a teacher.  He is a mirror for all those who look upon him.

He is also, to you and I who have never met him, an idea.  This idea can reside inside of you and it too can spread.  

So, please, for the time being, let Bill Gates live.  He is valuable to us.

-Viva!

Assimilation

Hopefully I don't have too many Trekkers that read my blog and are going to debate my metaphor, but with that possibility in mind, I'm going to boldly - I can't even finish it.

So those of you familiar with Star Trek will know about the Borg.  A cyborg race that injects you with nanotechnology and turns you into one of them.  It is called assimilating.

Now imagine yourself seeing someone you don't know (or maybe someone you do) and making up a story of what they are doing.  I don't mean that you are imagining them doing something.  You are really seeing them do something, but you are imagining why they are doing it.  You create their back story almost instantly and from there determine why they are making all the decisions they are making.  If you are still having trouble with this concept, maybe think of a baby crying on a plane and how the mother decides to deal with that.  Where did your mind go?  An experience from your past?  An imagined experience?  How old was the mother?  Did you react to her in your imagination?  Well all of this is happening in real life to, moment to moment.  You create a story. 

To you, that story is the truth.  You believe your own story, not bothering to question it until something drastic happens and you are forced to re-think it.  I'm sure some of you are more open to changing your story then others, but you're still creating a story.

So then what do you do with your story?  You share it.  I mean it is the truth for you, so why isn't it just the truth?  You complain to your friend about the crying baby, maybe even hours after you've gotten off the plane.  Maybe you actually talk to the mother.  You try to include everyone you can, not just in this story, but all of your stories.  The more you include people, the more they are the truth.  You are assimilating people.  You are putting your nano-probes into people in the hopes they will join you.


When I was 2 and a half years old, my parents flew with me from San Diego to Albany.  The story I was given was that I was very sick and all the flight attendants loved me and felt bad for me.  I imagine the story of at least some of the people on the plane were something along the lines of "shut that damn baby up, why isn't his mom doing anything?".  Do you know what my story was?  I didn't have a story.  I don't even remember it.  Pain; react.  Not a story.  Just a body doing what it does.


So I ask you, do we want to be a bunch of Borg, endlessly trying to assimilate each others stories or do we want to be more?   

Sometimes you just have to poop

Waiting at any sort of social services or post or doctors office can be nerve racking.  You mind fills up with all sorts of (usually negative) experiences that happened in the past or you think are going to happen in the future.  This anxiety often builds up as you wait. 

Part of the anxiety is the situation itself, that is for sure, but another big part of it is the idea that I don't' have the freedom to do what I want.  Waiting for my name to be called, I feel like I can't leave the area to run to my car, make a call or go to the bathroom.  Of course this is all an illusion.  I can do any of those things and more (use your imagination).  I can do anything I want to.  I am choosing not to do those things, but I project my decision onto whatever higher power appears to be in charge.

Today, the highest power is the government, down from that is the social services office, then maybe some middle management, on down to the security guard and in some ways, the other people in the waiting room.  I was waiting to show some documentation to the EDD worker to prove my income or lack thereof.  

Sometimes when following the flow of my life, I do a good job preparing and planning for things and then the timing turns out differently then I expected.  In this case, I ended up being 5 minutes late for my scheduled appointment.  I wasn't worried as there tends to be a wait at these places, even with an appointment.  The first floor receptionist also didn't bat an eye at my tardiness.  There was a moment of  confusion where she asked me if I was there for Calfresh and I said, no for unemployment.  She then asked a co-worked if Y36 was on the 2nd floor.  I did not hear the co-workers response, but the receptionist nodded and sent me toward the elevator. 

Upon arriving at the 2nd floor, I found that there were no hallways, just one open waiting room with no receptionist in it.  I spoke with the security guard who said "they", referring to the general receptionist area, were not around, asked if I had signed in downstairs, and I should just wait.  I sat down and noticed he large tv monitors that had a list of people to be seen.  My name was on the list.  In fact it was near the top.  It wouldn't be for another 1/2 hour before I realized the names were in alphabetical order.

That first half hour was probably the most anxious for me.  All the questions that they might ask me came into my head.  My over-tiredness weighed on me and the nervousness about being a little late bounced around in my noggin.  Slowly I re-centered myself with the help of some cute kids in the waiting room.  They might not have wanted to be there either, but they weren't nervous about where there were nor had any opinion about what was to come.  

Another 1/2 passed by.  I saw other names added to the "appointment" section of the list, but usually just one or two.  Then, after a while, they would disappear.  Meanwhile, there were 5 names that were always there.  I continued to wait and while I had thought that I had done a good job centering myself, I still felt like something was off.  Then it hit me, I had to poop.  I mean I had been feeling it brewing for a while, so it wasn't a surprise that I had to, but what I hadn't realized was just how much resisting going to the bathroom was causing me stress. 

I contemplated this, as is my tendency and remained unpooping.  It had been over an hour since I had arrived in the waiting room, the amount of time I had projected to wait, back when I had projected up to 5 different times that I would be waiting, 4 of which had already passed.  Well I couldn't go to the bathroom now, could I?  All of that waiting would be in vain.  I mean it was almost certain that the moment I went into the bathroom and was out of ear shot that they would call my name. 

Ample time went by in which I could have easily gone to the bathroom and come back.  I ran through the scenarios and figured out exactly where the bathroom was.  Then, with special forces precision, I picked my moment and went to the bathroom.

Walking back to my seat afterward, I felt an immense sense of relief and felt ten times more relaxed.  Not because of the physical need of the moment, but because a psychological trap had dissipated. 

So for all of you reading, my advice would be, if you have to, go poop.


-Don't forget to flush!

Tolle video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fz7L1emXhbk

The above is a link to an Eckhart Tolle video that I stumbled upon last night.  It really helped shift my perspective and get me into a better place.  I don't know if you will have the same reaction.  I think we all grow at our own pace.  Maybe you will find something in it that I didn't.  Or maybe you will find nothing at all.  At the very least, I find it relaxing to listen to Eckhart speak.

One of the things that he spoke of that was helpful in me dis-identifying with my ego was the idea that we are just here to awaken, that it is a universal impulse.  We are not here to improve our life situation nor are we hear to improve the world.  I often get caught up in this idea of who I am and who I will become and it does nothing but complicate things for me and keep me in thought.  

"You can choose to be free of thought when thought is not needed" - Tolle

It is amazing how little thinking is actually required in a day.  

He also talks about creating space for people you have relationships with.  Being the space they don't have because they are trapped within thought.  This is something that could easily be incorporated by the ego, by thinking your job was to help other people, building your ego up with your "successes".  However, if you are doing it "right" (in quotes because it is a oxymoronic idea) the space you provide is quite pleasurable and useful in your own spiritual "goals", another word that deserves quotes.

So, I just wanted to share that I feel like I am in a much better place today then I was recently.  I feel like I've gotten over a hump.  That said, I noticed a slide back today as well.  Which still means I'm in a better place, because I noticed it.  :)

-Smile!

Answers: incomplete

So if you were to as me what we as individual humans were made up of  and what each part does, I would say (simplified):

1. Form (or body) - The function of which is to sense the world around us.

2. Mind - A bio-mechanical machine designed to interpret our senses.
2a. Ego - A personality within the mind developed through interactions with other forms of life.

3. Soul - The form that Spirit takes within the body, the function of which is to ???

4. Spirit - Universal energy.


I didn't write a function for Spirit there because I don't think it needs one.  Acknowledging it exists is enough for this conversation.  What I want to talk about here is the function of the individual soul.  In essence, why?

One of my theories is that we are recording devices, sent by the great Spirit to learn about itself.  This gives us a good explanation of why it doesn't matter what path we choose, since the great Spirit would be gaining knowledge no matter what.  It doesn't, however, explain why some things feel better than others (e.g. a hug feels better than stepping on a nail.) Although perhaps some of these things could be explained away by the forms need to survive.  Even assuming that I'm write and we are some sort of recording device, it still doesn't answer "why".  It also doesn't answer my drive to find meaning or tell me where that drive comes from.  Last, but not least, it doesn't tell me who "I" am.  Am I body, mind and soul?  Or is this personality made up of just mind and body?  

Obviously I could go on asking questions and I bet you have a lot of your own, but I think when you boil it down, it comes down to Trust and Truth.  Do I have to know the truth or can I trust that everything is as it should be?  Clearly I have trust issues.


Viva!

Beating myself up

Being an analytical liberal, I am constantly beating myself up.  I beat myself up for water use, trash versus recycling, how efficient I am with my time, which is rediculous considering how much free time I have, and yes, I often beat myself up for beating myself up, the ultimate downward spiral.

So what causes this?  I think the root cause is just me, my personality, my ego if you will.  I slant toward breaking things down and looking at their pieces.  Then, once I get there I believe that I could put those pieces back together in a better way then they once were and in that process blame myself for them not being perfect to begin with.  

So now what?  Change my belief system?  Change my ego?  Every time I start being negative, should I stop and change it to a positive?  Should I believe everything is perfect just the way it is?  This seems like a good start, but I believe it will ultimately fail.  Simply changing negative to positive doesn't diminish the ego, which is a goal of the spiritualist.  Sure I would be a more positive person, which would likely lead to less beating myself up and potentially help me from those downward spirals and thus keep me more present, however the only real way to escape this pattern is to accept what is there before me.  I am perfect and beautiful, but I am also flawed.  I will not get every answer right.  I will not always think positively.  I will not do everything I can do to make this world a better place.  Is that ok?  Yes.  Am I perfect?  Yes.  Am I imperfect?  Yes.

It is hard not to go to the mind for help when you are feeling down, but trust me, if you want to feel better, be with that feeling, accept it.  The mind wants to store things, to analyse them, to do its job.  It will run experiments on you well after the initial feeling as passed and because it is so good at its job, you will keep feeling how you felt.  But then the body can't do its job, which is to sense what is going on in the moment and relay the message to the awareness that is you.  In my case that the cat on my lap is getting heavy as a balance it precariously.  It is also warm and purring and affectionate.  See all the things I'm missing out on while my brain is working to write this blog?  A little sacrafice isn't bad, the brain is a wonderful tool, but let's use it as such.

To life!

A case of the suposed-to's and natural rebellion.

There is conflict in my life, but most of it is internal.  

I have plenty of free time to do with as I please, but what do I please?  Do I please to study spirituality, to meditate, to play video games, to take a walk, to go shopping, to play with the cat or to do nothing at all?  When do I please to do these things and for how long?  These decisions are at the crux of my development.  

Sometimes I think I should just go with the flow, to drift through life, endeavoring to stay in the now.  On its own, this doesn't seem like such a bad idea, but every time I try, I get bored enough to make a decision that leads to under the line (of consciousness) behavior.  E.G. Video games and movies.  

So then back to decision making.  How does the conscious mind versus the unconscious make decisions and what does this mean for me?

My experience is that I stay conscious until I am triggered by something in my present that invokes a memory or a fantasy.  I've improved in that as I come out of the unconscious state back into consciousness, I am able to put a positive slant on whatever my mind has thought up in that moments.  I find this to be valuable when dealing with the past, the idea being that I'm recreating old negative memories and changing them positively, thus improving the whole and bringing me closer to a positive whole.  

Hmm...

...my self confidence seems to be failing me today.  I don't feel focused or like I have much to say.  This has been the case for the past couple of days.  Ever since this blog became "real" for me.  When it existed within more of a fantasy mode, my ego was appeased to think it was getting something out of the deal and my spirit was happily coming through.  More recently I feel like the spirit is muddled and the ego is unsure of itself.  

Which brings us back to, should I be meditating more, should I be xyz-ing more, is it all perfect no matter what or is there imperfection within the perfection?  

Self-Love (No this post is not about masturbation)

So as many of us following a spiritual path are doing, I am attempting to diminish my ego.  There are a variety of ways to go about this, such as meditation and being present, etc..  I'm sure different things work well for different people and I'm not here to rank them.  I am here, however, to talk to about something that concerns me and maybe you.  How do you continue to love your ego or maybe even love it more when you are busy working to get rid of it?  I know the first thing you are going to say, it isn't "work", you should let it drift away, or something like that..  Ok, fine, that works for the times when I'm able to present, but what about the rest of the time?  Do I give the ego the stick or the carrot?  Do I tell it how awesome it is or call it a dumb shit when it tries to get me down?  What about when it is happy?  Do I tell it, watch out, don't be happy, you might grow?  

Don't get me wrong, I'm still loving my ego while this is all happening.  Growing up, I loved my dog whether it peed on the floor or not.  But what do you do when that happens?  Scold the dog?  Reward the dog?  Or accept that pee happens and move on.  I would think it is probably the last one, but then who cleans up the pee?  Because I used to walk around in socks and stepping in a pee puddle was not conducive to my happiness, no matter what lesson it was supposed to teach me.  Be ever present Chris or you may step in pee, says the wise old man.  

So I think there is actually a broader question here.  How do we love universally when we aren't always present?  


Love ya!


P.S. I would love to hear your comments on this subject and my other postings.  I am hoping we can get some good discussions going.  Thanks!

Fun

After a complex series of calculations and charts and diagrams (ok, it was just a blank sheet of paper and some markers) I came to a question.  Why would God play.  That is a big 'G; god there, but I mean the all connecting god as well.  At first I thought about all the reasons children play, so they can learn, so they can get stronger and more agile, basically so they can develop as human beings.  Then I thought to myself, that's why parents encourage kids to play.  Kids play because it is fun.  They aren't thinking about their bodies growing or how they are learning or getting better at things.  They are (hopefully) having a great time and lots of fun.  Of course sometimes even kids have disagreements and "mine" transforms into someone being knocked down, but when you think about it, that's really the ego developing.   

God doesn't have parents and, I hope, doesn't have an ego.  So, why would God play?  

I know my answer and I will leave it up to you to find your own, but consider this; when looking at the highly spiritual, those that have been transformed by it, do they look happy?  Do they smile?  Do they laugh?  And despite all the crap going on in the world, in the face of poverty and illness, do they still kind of look like they are having fun?

I got so caught up in telling you how much bliss I felt during my peak experience, pleasure being the measuring point of the form, that I forgot to mention that it was actually a lot of fun.  I guess that kind of seems implied, but maybe it shouldn't be.  Maybe fun is something we should all explore a little bit more.  Maybe fun-linesss is close to Godliness.

Enjoy!! 

Peak Experience

So about 2 weeks ago, the day I hurt my knee, I had a peak experience.
 I'd been out dancing the night before, then home with friends, then
an afterparty and then an after-after party.  I'd done a variety of
drugs in that time, but had come down off of most of them.  I found
myself in the guest bedroom with a bunch of people hanging out and
talking.  Eventually everyone cleared out except for these 3 men.  The
men were having a discussion about foreign policy and specifically
Israel.  I sat on the edge of the bed, put my hands against my thighs
and began reiki on myself.  I sat there very still, occasionally
moving my head to change who I was looking at and smiling so that the
men wouldn't think their conversation was upsetting me.  As the
conversation got more intense, I became more at peace.  I didn't
listen to what they were actually saying, instead I just allowed
everything to be taken in.  I more they talked, the more blissful and
still I became.  One of the men asked me what I thought the nature of
consumerism (or perhaps it business?) was and I replied, "fear".  My
reply came not from me, but through me.  Later they would talk about
Japan and I would see how the fear following World War II led to a
culture of business there.

I was a walkie talkie to the Divine.   My purpose in that room was to
simply be there so that the divine could listen in on the
conversation.  It was simple and blissful.  Eventually the men left
the room.  I remained very still, not wishing to break out of the
trance I was in.  I made no decisions and waited for my body to slowly
recline backwards onto the bed.  My eyes open, I looked at the white
ceiling as it faded in and out of focus.  I was overcome with bliss.
Every molecule in my body was expanded and full of energy.  I had a
huge smile on my face.  There wasn't really anything to see, whether
my eyes were open or closed.  Usually it was sort of a whlte out, but
sometimes the light would dim and broad patterns would form.

Every once in a while some air bubbles would form on my lips and be
slowly released.  I was detached from the act of breathing.  I knew I
could stay in this place of bliss, but that it would mean giving up my
form, my body.  People came into the room and talked about how big the
smile was on my face.  I smiled a little bigger.  I knew they would
not disturb me and they did not.  I was still aware of the music
playing and voices and everything else, but it was all in the
background.  I continued to enjoy the blissful state, but knew I would
have to make the decision to come back if that was what I wanted.  I
chose that, but then stayed a bit longer anyway.  I floated back down.
 Just as I arrived back, my friend came to say we were getting ready
to leave, as I knew he would.

I remained blissed out, a smile on my face for the rest of the
evening.  One of the men from the conversation approached me talking
about how crazy it was and I replied that it had been beautiful with
all the energy in the air.  I loved everyone, but nothing mattered at
all; everything was wonderful.  My friends and I packed up our things
and went home.  Two of them took off and one stayed behind for a nap.
As we lay there, her sleeping, me wide awake, I planned all the things
I would do with this new found enlightenment.  Although I thought it
happened latter, it must have been at this point that the
enlightenment actually started to diminish, my ego trying to use what
it considered something of power.  I shot bolts of positive energy
around the world as we laid there glowing.

Eventually I slept and as I had feared, but accepted, before that
happened, I woke up no longer in the same state of bliss.  I have
definitely shifted more toward the positive since then, but I'm no
where close to that state in my normal life.  One thing I did learn
from that experience though is that god can be found through the
breath and if I truthfully look for it that state is there for me, if
only for a moment.

Orgasms and Godhead

Admittedly, the large majority of my attempts to connect with a higher spiritual plane happen are solo in nature, not because I never get laid, but because sex is just too damn distracting.  So for the purposes of this article, I will be talking about connecting with myself and will leave interpersonal relations for another day.

So, can we connect to God or god or Godhead through orgasm?  Certainly the sensations of a peak experience are similar to orgasm.  There is a deep relaxation, a sort of excitement on a cellular and sub cellular level, and a feeling of being beyond your body.  There are differences as well.  An orgasm has more of a rush too it, peaking quickly and then subsiding quickly.  Peak experiences tend to drift into being and then drift out again over several hours or sometimes even days.  

For me, the sensation itself is different.  I can't describe either with any kind of accuracy and with no way of experiencing your orgasm, I don't think it matters beyond the fact that you either agree or disagree with me.  By the way, feel free to experiment with both of these things and get back to me.  My own experiments are limited to trying to connect with god during orgasm.  I've never tried to have an orgasm during a peak experience.  In all honesty at that point my sex organ has no more meaning than any of the rest of my body.  However, if I'm ever able to create peak experiences with any kind of regularity, I will try it out.

My trials are not in any way clinical and quite spread out.  However, I can say that a few things do happen when I try.  First, the feeling of being beyond my body increases greatly.  I feel connected to energy up to 30 feet away.  The lose of self is also increased, as is the feeling of floating.  That feeling of floating is probably one of the strongest connectors for me to what I feel during a peak experience.  I've also had flashes of insight, similar to what one might have during meditation.  

So I think we can safely say that there is a connection, but what is the connection?  Am I really connecting with the world of spirit or is orgasm just the peak experience of the form?  Also, what would a mind peak experience be like?  Certainly the mind is an important part of orgasm.  

I seem to be leaving here with more questions than answers today.  Partially because the model of form, mind and spirit is not completely.  Strangely enough I think it might be the answer to the question, what is a mind-gasm, that gets us closer to the truth.  In the meantime, I'm going to keep experimenting...


Love yourself!

Recommendations!

Hi Everyone!!

I'm lucky in that I have great friends who recommend texts and websites for me to check out.  If there is something out there that has helped you or that you think would help others, then please post it in the comments below!

THANKS!!!

Looking inside and out

My friend recently sent me this video:

some-strange-things-are-happening-to-astronauts-returning-to-earth 

It is about people who have been in space and the awe they feel when seeing planet Earth from there.  For many of them it invokes what could be considered a spiritual reaction.  In the video this leads to a feeling of interconnectedness and a desire to take care of the planet.  All wonderful things.

I don't know if you need to go all the way to space to have a realization that you could also achieve by walking in a park or a forrest, but I'm happy when anyone shifts into a new state on consciousness.

What I find curious is the dualism between Science expanding us ever further with trips to Mars and beyond and what I see as an increase of inner growth and spirituality on our planet.  Is there a connection and how can we use this connection to increase our own spirituality?  A few nights ago there was a full moon.  It was brilliant and bright and gorgeous.  People were posting about it all over facebook.  I quipped, "I don't know why everyone is so excited about the moon tonight, the sun did all the work." on my own wall.  Perspective.  From here on Earth it looked like the Moon was the most magical thing in the sky, however from space, what would the moon look like?  A cold rock.  Still beautiful, but just a rock. 

Perspective.  This is what I think science can help us achieve.  There are many layers to the universe.  Some we have to look outward to see, some we have to look inward.  As we get better at looking at one, we inevitably get better at looking at the other.  

Science and spirituality often butt heads when the ego gets involved, but it is those moments when each of them inspire awe that we all truly feel connected.

Awe-some!

     

Catching you up

As I mentioned in my other post, I've been on a spiritual path for about 2 years.  Without getting philosophical about what that really means, I will just say that for the past 2 years I have been actively studying and practicing spirituality.  It all started when...

I was visiting a friend in Santa Monica.  She was upstairs getting ready for our hike.  I was downstairs looking through her books.  I came across a book called Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom.   I had a chance to scan it before my friend came down and it quickly spoke to me.  I'd been going through a bit of a depression and was at that point looking for something in the outside world to make me feel better.  Buddha's Brain helped me see that what I really needed to do was to change my inner world.  

I bought my own copy of Buddha's Brain and shared my excitement over it to some of my friends.  The ones that listened, responded with their own suggestions.  

Next up on the reading list were Eckhart Tolle and Don Miguel Ruiz.   I actually had Don Miguel Ruiz's books, the most famous being The 4 Agreements, as audio books.  The audio books were a nice change of pace from reading, but were absorbed just as slowly as Tolle's books, one chapter at a time.  To read or listen to more of that left my mind too full to think clearly.  Of course at this point I was still relying on my mind (or ego?) to figure things out.  

What I summarized in two paragraphs above was about 9 months of work.  The work is on going of course, if you choose that name, but that was the primary time when their works were fresh to me.

The next major shift in my spiritual path took the for of Reiki.  Another friend had been to a Reiki Tummo healing clinic and suggested I try it.  I did and the results were very satisfying.  I was so excited by my reaction to the healing that I spent quite a bit of time writing in their comment section about how my 3rd eye was tingling and all the feelings I had of energy moving.  At the time I thought they would be very pleased since of course I would prove to be a gifted recipient who would legitimize their practice.  Having now become a practitioner, I realize that my experience was much less unique than I originally thought.

After the healing I started to study Reiki on my own, using the internet.  Eventually I found that I could download DVDs and receive distance attunements.  I should mention at this point that I have very little money to spend on classes or books, so I had to get creative with my learning implements.  

I began practicing Usui Reiki on myself and eventually on others, although only after quite a bit of studying and practice.  It was during this time that I also began learning about Integral Studies and CIIS.  It was also during this time that I had my first peak experience.
  
Integral Studies helped me see spiritual studying from a new perspective, or to be specific to the field, 3 new perspectives.   It also gave me the name "peak experience" to help me define something that I had gone through.

As I recall, there was no great trick to it.  I hadn't spent many hours meditating that day or even really that week.  I hadn't had any healing done on me nor had much of anything changed for me.  However, on that morning, I felt good, blissful.  I was running errands, going shopping for clothes I think, and I was happy.  I was at ease, floating along, going where the world would take me.  It lasted for maybe a few hours, perhaps as long as sunset, I'm not sure any more.  Admittedly, not the most  profound thing that has happened to anyone, but I felt changed.  I felt like I had had a glimpse of the way I could feel, maybe all the time.  I could be truly happy and at ease.

This was my first recognizable peak experience.  I'm sure that there were others before then and there have been others since, but this was the first I was aware of and had the tools to put it into words.  The concept of putting spirit into words or thoughts is something I could talk about at length, but let's just try to catch up on my journey for now.

The next major thing to happen to me happened just under a month ago.  I attended a Reiki Tummo level 1 workshop.  It was the first time I was attuned in person.  The experience was not all that different from the distance attunements  or the Reiki Tummo healing that I had received.  Energy flowed through me, my mind fought with the experience and my body tried to listen in for every sensation.  

I learned a lot of new techniques that day and bathed in a lot of positive energy.  What just struck me as I was re-thinking about this experience is how personality still stays with us, even when we are super charged with positive energy.  One of my philosophical fears as I grow spiritually is the idea of losing myself.  I wonder what my experience says then.  Am I holding on?  Or will I really always be some version of myself?

Part of the workshop was to do a 21 day self-cleanse afterward.  I wish I had started this blog back then because the self-cleansing had some interesting ups and downs.  The up mostly being about keeping the positive energy from the class going, the down mostly being about rebelling against the idea of being forced to do something.  Ah, inner conflict...

The week following the workshop I went with a friend to Sedona, AZ.  An absolutely gorgeous place and well worth visiting.  The vortexes there were very powerful and filled with energy.  I took a rock from one of them and use it in my reiki practice.  

It snowed while we were in Sedona, which was also very pretty, but led to us being inside more than intended.  That lead to taking mushrooms.  Amongst a wild ride, I found myself at one point laying on the bed with my eyes closed, re-writing some of the negative things that had happened in my life.  A tool I had learned about in, you guessed it, Buddha's Brain.

So here we are, that cycle completed, already moving into the next one.  Except for this time, you will be coming with me on my journey.

All aboard!!!   

     





  

So why a blog?

There are many wonderful spiritual teachers out there, some of whom are even enlightened! What a wonderful place to be! I am not enlightned, nor am I guessing are you. That's ok. Maybe we will be some day, maybe it will never happen. That's ok too. However, I am on a spiritual journey and if you are reading this blog, you likely are as well. I've been on my journey for about 2 years now and I've learned some things. The first is that it helps to know people who are also on a spiritual journey because they can help point you in new directions and share their experiences. The second is that spiritual teachers can be extremely vague. There is a reason for this and I actually support the sign post over story method, but I also know how frustrating this can be. So I guess my blog has two purposes. To share my experiences and hopefully hear from you about yours and to help releave some of the frustrations I've felt along the way.


You are loved.