A case of the suposed-to's and natural rebellion.

There is conflict in my life, but most of it is internal.  

I have plenty of free time to do with as I please, but what do I please?  Do I please to study spirituality, to meditate, to play video games, to take a walk, to go shopping, to play with the cat or to do nothing at all?  When do I please to do these things and for how long?  These decisions are at the crux of my development.  

Sometimes I think I should just go with the flow, to drift through life, endeavoring to stay in the now.  On its own, this doesn't seem like such a bad idea, but every time I try, I get bored enough to make a decision that leads to under the line (of consciousness) behavior.  E.G. Video games and movies.  

So then back to decision making.  How does the conscious mind versus the unconscious make decisions and what does this mean for me?

My experience is that I stay conscious until I am triggered by something in my present that invokes a memory or a fantasy.  I've improved in that as I come out of the unconscious state back into consciousness, I am able to put a positive slant on whatever my mind has thought up in that moments.  I find this to be valuable when dealing with the past, the idea being that I'm recreating old negative memories and changing them positively, thus improving the whole and bringing me closer to a positive whole.  

Hmm...

...my self confidence seems to be failing me today.  I don't feel focused or like I have much to say.  This has been the case for the past couple of days.  Ever since this blog became "real" for me.  When it existed within more of a fantasy mode, my ego was appeased to think it was getting something out of the deal and my spirit was happily coming through.  More recently I feel like the spirit is muddled and the ego is unsure of itself.  

Which brings us back to, should I be meditating more, should I be xyz-ing more, is it all perfect no matter what or is there imperfection within the perfection?