Being an analytical liberal, I am constantly beating myself up. I beat myself up for water use, trash versus recycling, how efficient I am with my time, which is rediculous considering how much free time I have, and yes, I often beat myself up for beating myself up, the ultimate downward spiral.
So what causes this? I think the root cause is just me, my personality, my ego if you will. I slant toward breaking things down and looking at their pieces. Then, once I get there I believe that I could put those pieces back together in a better way then they once were and in that process blame myself for them not being perfect to begin with.
So now what? Change my belief system? Change my ego? Every time I start being negative, should I stop and change it to a positive? Should I believe everything is perfect just the way it is? This seems like a good start, but I believe it will ultimately fail. Simply changing negative to positive doesn't diminish the ego, which is a goal of the spiritualist. Sure I would be a more positive person, which would likely lead to less beating myself up and potentially help me from those downward spirals and thus keep me more present, however the only real way to escape this pattern is to accept what is there before me. I am perfect and beautiful, but I am also flawed. I will not get every answer right. I will not always think positively. I will not do everything I can do to make this world a better place. Is that ok? Yes. Am I perfect? Yes. Am I imperfect? Yes.
It is hard not to go to the mind for help when you are feeling down, but trust me, if you want to feel better, be with that feeling, accept it. The mind wants to store things, to analyse them, to do its job. It will run experiments on you well after the initial feeling as passed and because it is so good at its job, you will keep feeling how you felt. But then the body can't do its job, which is to sense what is going on in the moment and relay the message to the awareness that is you. In my case that the cat on my lap is getting heavy as a balance it precariously. It is also warm and purring and affectionate. See all the things I'm missing out on while my brain is working to write this blog? A little sacrafice isn't bad, the brain is a wonderful tool, but let's use it as such.
To life!
Hi Chris, great food for thought, as usual! Here’s what I’ve been thinking about: If beating one’s self up is a byproduct of the ego, and if it starts with embedded belief systems (which reinforce themselves as circling thoughts), then one can tweak the embedded belief system to serve one's general well-being while still being aware of the spiritual core underneath. Be present when possible, but when thoughts come forth, recognize the beliefs (guilt, ‘shoulds,’ worldviews, etc) as our filter to the world—and our access to our universe--then decide whether those belief systems objectively true, and whether they serve any kind of purpose to us. Is believing that I should do x hours of writing per day helpful? Will anyone suffer if I take a break, a walk or play golf? Is this belief expanding or constricting my experience of my life?
ReplyDeleteAnd because each person is a subjective universe (the world is created from within our perception), our world can become better or worse depending on the filter of our beliefs. And we can change our belief systems to create a world that’s more enjoyable and peaceful for us. But beyond that, through that process of vetting our belief systems, we’re alerting ourselves to the act of thinking. And even though it’s on a cerebral level, it still practices the moment of catching a thought, which trickles down to practicing the act of noticing ego.
So in my mind, it's two levels that work together--one mind and world, and the other deeper within.
Thanks for commenting! Anyone else have anything to add?
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