Waiting at any sort of social services or post or doctors office can be nerve racking. You mind fills up with all sorts of (usually negative) experiences that happened in the past or you think are going to happen in the future. This anxiety often builds up as you wait.
Part of the anxiety is the situation itself, that is for sure, but another big part of it is the idea that I don't' have the freedom to do what I want. Waiting for my name to be called, I feel like I can't leave the area to run to my car, make a call or go to the bathroom. Of course this is all an illusion. I can do any of those things and more (use your imagination). I can do anything I want to. I am choosing not to do those things, but I project my decision onto whatever higher power appears to be in charge.
Today, the highest power is the government, down from that is the social services office, then maybe some middle management, on down to the security guard and in some ways, the other people in the waiting room. I was waiting to show some documentation to the EDD worker to prove my income or lack thereof.
Sometimes when following the flow of my life, I do a good job preparing and planning for things and then the timing turns out differently then I expected. In this case, I ended up being 5 minutes late for my scheduled appointment. I wasn't worried as there tends to be a wait at these places, even with an appointment. The first floor receptionist also didn't bat an eye at my tardiness. There was a moment of confusion where she asked me if I was there for Calfresh and I said, no for unemployment. She then asked a co-worked if Y36 was on the 2nd floor. I did not hear the co-workers response, but the receptionist nodded and sent me toward the elevator.
Upon arriving at the 2nd floor, I found that there were no hallways, just one open waiting room with no receptionist in it. I spoke with the security guard who said "they", referring to the general receptionist area, were not around, asked if I had signed in downstairs, and I should just wait. I sat down and noticed he large tv monitors that had a list of people to be seen. My name was on the list. In fact it was near the top. It wouldn't be for another 1/2 hour before I realized the names were in alphabetical order.
That first half hour was probably the most anxious for me. All the questions that they might ask me came into my head. My over-tiredness weighed on me and the nervousness about being a little late bounced around in my noggin. Slowly I re-centered myself with the help of some cute kids in the waiting room. They might not have wanted to be there either, but they weren't nervous about where there were nor had any opinion about what was to come.
Another 1/2 passed by. I saw other names added to the "appointment" section of the list, but usually just one or two. Then, after a while, they would disappear. Meanwhile, there were 5 names that were always there. I continued to wait and while I had thought that I had done a good job centering myself, I still felt like something was off. Then it hit me, I had to poop. I mean I had been feeling it brewing for a while, so it wasn't a surprise that I had to, but what I hadn't realized was just how much resisting going to the bathroom was causing me stress.
I contemplated this, as is my tendency and remained unpooping. It had been over an hour since I had arrived in the waiting room, the amount of time I had projected to wait, back when I had projected up to 5 different times that I would be waiting, 4 of which had already passed. Well I couldn't go to the bathroom now, could I? All of that waiting would be in vain. I mean it was almost certain that the moment I went into the bathroom and was out of ear shot that they would call my name.
Ample time went by in which I could have easily gone to the bathroom and come back. I ran through the scenarios and figured out exactly where the bathroom was. Then, with special forces precision, I picked my moment and went to the bathroom.
Walking back to my seat afterward, I felt an immense sense of relief and felt ten times more relaxed. Not because of the physical need of the moment, but because a psychological trap had dissipated.
So for all of you reading, my advice would be, if you have to, go poop.
-Don't forget to flush!
LOL--great post! I totally understand!!! Today I went to Jersey Mike's to get a sub. My dog and I had just hiked and she was in the car. It was still morning and I parked in the shade, within eyeshot of the place, gave her water and open windows. But--we'd just hiked. And I was worrying that she was hot. There was a line inside and I was waiting. And waiting. And I kept thinking, "A sub's gonna kill my dog." So I placed my order, jumped out of line, felt the air in the car, looked at her smiling face, and confirmed she was fine. The rest of the wait was easy. And then I pooped in my car on the way home. ;)
ReplyDelete